I would’ve never thought this day would come. That I would be sitting here, writing about why I have the name I was given and enlightening you on something that I still can’t seem to wrap my head around. My name if you haven’t figured it out by now is Alexandra, Alexandra Pabon. I have no middle and that’s it. That’s the name I was given since birth and the name I had to grow to love up to this point. I really didn’t know what approach I wanted to take with this paper. I could’ve gone the boring way and did the history and origin of my name. I could’ve also done the nicknames that my family has for me and trust me there’s a lot. There’s a lot of things I could’ve done but today I wanted to take you inside my father’s head. Now I know that might sound weird but just hear me out, okay? 

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            My father was the one who named me. Usually, when you ask someone they say that their mother named them or their parents as a collective named them. But that didn’t seem to be the case for me. My father was the one who took it upon himself to name me and trust me he didn’t waste any time. Might I add, I always used to ask my father why he gave me this name. Not because I hate my name but because I felt like it was so basic. To this day I ask my father why he named me the way he did and still, his answer has not changed. 

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            So, for my paper, I am going to take you through a little Q&A, where I will be asking questions that I used to ask when I was younger so that you can get a better understanding of my father’s vision when he named me Alexandra. Did I forget to mention that his name is Alex? I think that would’ve been great to start with but instead, here we are. 

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            “Why did you name me Alexandra?” 

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            “Did you have any other names in mind?”

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            “When did you know that Alexandra was meant to be my name?”

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            This is how I started this paper off. I wanted to get right into the details. I wanted facts and nothing less. Low and behold that is what I got. His answers went something like this:

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            “I named you Alexandra because I wanted my name to be incorporated, that’s first. I also knew you were destined for greatness and the names that I associated it with were Alexander the Great and Alexandria in Egypt. I wanted to name you something that I knew you were going to be.”

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            “I did not have any other names in mind.”

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            “I knew that this was meant to be your name because ever since I was little I always said that when I have my first daughter I’m going to name her Alexandra.”

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            When he said those answers, I didn’t know what to say. I was kind of at a loss for words, to be honest. I never hated my name but I always felt that it was basic. I felt like my name wasn’t original, even though I rarely encountered people with my name, and felt like it wasn’t me. When my father explained this I kind of felt different waves of emotions that were kind of unexplainable. I wasn’t not satisfied but I definitely was ok with knowing why I was given the name Alexandra. That it wasn’t just a random name made up but it was from the heart. It was done in a genuine way. This response will forever hold weight in my heart. To me he isn’t just saying that he wanted to name me after greatness, he is simply speaking into existence of what’s to become of me with this name. The name didn’t and doesn't define me, I define it. My quest as to why I was named Alexandra doesn't stop here though, I proceeded to ask more questions. 

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            “Did mami ever try and change my name?”

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            “Why don’t I have a middle name?”

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            As I was asking him these questions he didn’t seem too bothered by them. While most parents might give you a quick answer and push you away my father didn’t. It's like he wanted me to ask these questions. No matter how many times I ask these questions, his answer and demeanor never changed. It remained the same when I was younger asking him these questions and it still remains the same today as I write this paper questioning his process when it came to naming me. He answers those questions by saying:

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            “No, she didn’t.”

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            “I didn’t feel like you needed like. I didn’t have one and because you were mine, I didn’t feel like you needed it either. You were going to have plenty of nicknames growing up that a middle name wouldn’t have held up to those names.”

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            While I still don’t understand why I don’t have a middle name I guess it makes sense. To clarify this some more. My nicknames we and still are: Alex, Ale, Sandra, Sandy, Tundy, Tundra, Alipapa, and so on and so forth. Since I was a baby each of my family members had a specific nickname that they would call me. I guess those were the middle name supplements. There was no reason to have me stuck to one specific middle name when I can be called different names that I know are coming from the heart of the people who matter the most to me. While my siblings have middle names it’s kind of fills that empty void I always had and it made me wonder. Why have a middle name that nobody will ever use or call you by it, when you can have no middle name but a bunch of nicknames that will always be put to use? But that’s just an idea that I created after my father gave me his response. Eventually, it came down to the last question. The end all be all, and this is what I asked:

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            “What was the vision you had with my name?”

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            “I wanted you and your two sisters to be named after me. Someway somehow, I wanted my name incorporated into your guy’s name. I did this and I completed it as well. I wanted to embed Alex into each and every one of your names because I wanted my legacy to continue. When I pass away you guys will each have part of me with you.”

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            I honestly didn’t even know what to do. I didn’t know if I should cry or if I should be happy. I was content with this final question and the answer that I received. So, let me break it down a bit more for you so that you can get the entire vision as well.

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            My name is Alexandra. My sister's middle name is Alexandria and my youngest sister's name is Alexa. My father, whether it was our first or middle name, made it his job to get his first name, Alex, in each of our names. As for legacy it technically dies with us. Since we are females, when we get married we are most likely entitled to take our husband's last name unless we decide to keep our own or hyphenate it. So, our last name dies with us but our first names don’t. I see now why he incorporated Alex in each of our names and why he named me Alexandra. He did this because we are his next and last generation.

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            As I sit back and review the questions and answers, I can’t help but feel a sense of joy. I guess I feel joy because I know my name has originality and authenticity to it. My name wasn’t given to me in honor of someone else, and it wasn’t googled or even debated on. My name came from a sense of love and appreciation that I don’t think a lot of people have the ability to say about their name. 

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            I do have to give all credit to my father though. I truly look up to him in every way possible and am glad to say that he gave me my name. It makes me feel this sense of confidence to say that I was named after the smartest and well-taught person I know to walk this earth. My name isn’t just me, but it is also my father. His idea of me always having a piece of him with me no matter where I go definitely went through. I would be able to say a few years down the line that he is shown through me. I think my dad did an amazing job naming me. While I do still have a love-hate relationship with my name, I surely wouldn’t change it for the life of me. He is me and I am him. We are one. I am Alexandra.